Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
