i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
