i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
