i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
