Michael Bay diarrhea
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Shame is for Republicans.
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