I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
