It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize