Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
