My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
