Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
