McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
