I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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