My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
