i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize