i think i have herpe
just one?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
