I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
