i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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