oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
