Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
