have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
