She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
