His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
