were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
