I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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