I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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