so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize