God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
