youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
