Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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