The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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