Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
