She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize