not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
His nipple licking is glorious
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