from now on my penis is your penis
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Boobs are out for the taking
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
