she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
