i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
