Who did Billy Mays play for?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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