Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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