i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
