he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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