Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
