the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
