I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
