You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
