Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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