i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
