Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize