Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
