there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
