every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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