So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
