my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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