I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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