it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
