Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
