I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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