Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My vagina just recognized that song.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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