Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
