Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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