I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
