if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
