she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
