$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
