I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
